To my Dearest Sons, November 7th 2011
As I write this letter Ryan, you are 4 years old and in just a few more months I will be registering you for kindergarten! Ryder, we just celebrated your 1st birthday in September and you are growing so fast, walking and getting into just about everything. As the cliché goes… time go’s by fast, most certainly when you have kids, which is why I wanted to take the time to write both of you this letter.
While you both have many many years before you will understand what I’m trying to tell you, value this is not everything, there is so much more to know. As with any advice though, this is my view on life…a brief look into my heart and soul. What works for me might not work for you, but I hope to always be someone you look to for advice. I know you will have to be responsible for yourself and learn things on your own and before we know it, you all will be grown and experiencing life from your own point of view.
The first thing I want to tell you is… Remember this; life on this earth is a mere moment of all we have to encounter. God is and should also be number one in your life. God is always there and will be waiting for you regardless of your relationship with him. All events on earth really signify nothing in your spirit. Ultimately, this world is not about anyone or thing, than you and god. That being said, it doesn’t mean you will not have to deal with many of the issues this world brings...but when it does come your way know God will always be there for you to see you through whatever problems you are facing.
As for God’s love, is mine too... I love you unconditionally. In my opinion a mother’s love is Gods way of presenting to you a small morsel of his love. There is nothing you could do that would change my love for you. You are part of me, part of my life, and I love you more than any words can describe. I don’t think you will truly understand this yourself until you have children of your own. There is not a day that goes by where I don’t think of you and how favorable I am that God has blessed me with both of you! Know you are and always will be loved and wanted. I pray every day I can be the type of mother who teaches you how to be strong men of faith, men who love and men who are reasonable. My love for you is that you will always find happiness and content in life, even when it’s dark and hard to see the light at the end…you will know it’s not about all of those things. Life doesn’t always turn out the way we hoped but how we handle and respond to those changes is truly a reflection of who we are. While it’s not always easy to deal with many of these matters, it’s most important to listen to your heart. Do what is right and you will do what you should. If you ever need someone to pick you up during this journey, remember my arms are always reaching out to lift you up.
What about friends… friends are people in our lives who care and like being around you enough that they enjoy and want to spend their time with you and the same goes for you. “Learn to choose friends who are kind to you, who actually care about you, who make you feel good about yourself. When you find friends like this, hold on to them, treasure them, spend time with them, be kind to them, love them.
If there’s a single word you should live your life by, it should be this: Love. Live your life by the rule of love. Love your spouse, your children, your parents, your friends, with all of your heart. Give to them what they need, and show them not cruelty nor disapproval, nor coldness, nor disappointment, but only love. Open your soul to them. Love not only your loved ones, but your neighbors … your coworkers … strangers … your brothers and sisters in humanity. Offer anyone you meet a smile, a kind word, a kind gesture, a helping hand. Love not only neighbors and strangers … but your enemy. The person who is cruelest to you, who has been unkind to you … love him. He is a tortured soul, and most in need of your love. And most of all, love yourself. While others may criticize you, learn not to be so hard on yourself, think instead that you are a wonderful human being, worthy of happiness and love.” (I borrowed this from another blogger, He couldn’t have written it any better) … and learn to love yourself for who you are. You are who you are, don’t try to change that. You only get one shot here, live and know your passion and pursue them. It’s okay if life seems “normal” and uneventful sometimes. It’s okay to be ordinary, to have a regular job, an average house and a day to day schedule that isn’t all glitz and glamour. It’s also okay if you become so rich that you don’t even know how much money you have…but most notable is that you don’t become what everyone else wants you to be or to define what is right for you. Take your own ideas and pursue them…
It’s important to know that when you bring others into your life, your ideas are now influenced by these people. Your ideas are no longer just from your point of view but from those you share your life with. If there’s no harmony in this, your passion will be lost. Still follow your heart, but also take care of the one’s you love and who love you back.
Don’t wait for someone else to tell you what needs to be done. Be motivated and learn to be independent of your own ideas while still keeping a good perspective. Know that everyone has their own perception based on the life they have led. What might be important to you; isn't the same for others and vice versa. Everyone reacts different for the most part…and it’s not your job to be judge or jury.
Follow your hopes and dreams. I Hope you explore the world and all it has to offer, without losing sight of your own beliefs and values. I hope you love to read and would suggest the following books… The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein , Postmarked Heaven by Jack Cavanaugh, War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy, The Last Days of Socrates: Euthyphro; The Apology; Crito; Phaedo, The Shack by William P. Young and of course the Bible, just to name a few.
So now for some advice I know a lot about… Women. First and foremost, we are really not that complicated. Just like you and everyone else, we all want to be treated with respect, dignity, and know we are loved. Women want a man to be the rock of the family, a person who is strong in their love but not overbearing. Women want their husband to be partners in life; they do not want to take the back seat to friends. Once you find someone you want to share the rest of your life with, make sure you’re ready to be a good husband. Love is not what holds a marriage together, it is commitment and grace.
We want birthday cards, anniversary gifts and to be remembered on Mother’s Day… (and while it’s nice if our husband makes a gift with the kids to give us, it’s always nice to have something from just your husband…something special that he has taken the time to do for just you)... for some men it may be just another card but remember it’s not about you. It’s about taking the time for your wife to express how you feel, you are doing what they like or love because you love them, and for no other reason.
Women want to be treated like ladies; we like it when a man opens and holds the doors for us. I know this may sound old fashion, but remember good manners never go out of style and Chivalry never dies. We don’t like to be referred to as your “Old Lady”. We don’t want a momma’s boy, but we want a man who loves’s and respect his mother. We want a man who doesn’t need to be a bully to get his point across and we want a man who will teach his own children that just because he did something, it doesn’t mean you have to follow suit if he was wrong.
After everything else, I hope you take each day as a new opportunity to learn, grow, and develop your knowledge. Know its okay to have fun and play around but also know when it’s not… Treat people the way you would like to be treated. Remember you don’t have to be mean or belittle people to get your point across… and your opinion doesn’t always matter, so know when to voice it and when to just stay quiet. People who treat other’s badly usually are unhappy themselves. Pray for them. Know that just because things have always been done that way it doesn’t mean it’s right… be the type of person who stands up for what is right, while still knowing when to walk away. Learn to forgive people…remember it doesn’t make them right, it sets you free... I myself have 2 people I need to forgive. I hope and pray one day I will be set free from that resentment.
Last, please know that you cannot be all these all the time and that’s okay…
I would like to close this letter with these words of wisdom from a poem by Mother Teresa I hold near and dear to my heart:
ANYWAY
People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
Love them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Be good anyway.
Be good anyway.
Honesty and frankness will make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
Build anyway.
People need help but will attack you if you help them.
Help them anyway.
Help them anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.
It was never between you and them anyway.
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